I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
