haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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