he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
