Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
