wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
