I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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