I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
