I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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