If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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