I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
