did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
