Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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