the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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