The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
