Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
