He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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