Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
