she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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