His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
