I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
