I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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