it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
