we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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