Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
