I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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