Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
