Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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