you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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