Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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