Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
