Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
