if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
