I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
