I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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