The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
