I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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