i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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