I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
