I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
