I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
