sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
