you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
