I skipped work to stalk him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bring money and cleavage
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
