Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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