Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
