I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
