We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
