i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
