Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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