So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
