Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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