so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
