thus making me awesome and them whores
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize