Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
