why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
