Since when is my name a synonym for head?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
