A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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