so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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