PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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