The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
