So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
