my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
