butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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