ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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