We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
