Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
