I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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