meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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