do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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