I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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