I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
