just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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