Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
