Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
