Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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