if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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